These tips are provided not for academic or training purpose but are universally accepted principles of life. If you apply these principles in your life, you will turn your life into happiness and prosperity. We intend here to improve your ability of gaining importance in your day to day actions in the society. If you associate yourself with SERDO, you may have to face different situations and meet people of different nature and personality. It is important that you create impact on their mind about yourself. You must learn the art of getting along with people engaged in business, administration and social contacts. Hope you find these tips helpful in improving your personality.
How to deal with People?
Dealing with people is probably the biggest problem on face, especially if he is in business or profession. It may surprise you to know that even in technical field only about 15% succeed doe to their technical knowledge and 85% of them earn from their money due to their human skill. A person who has technical knowledge plus the ability to express ideas to assume leadership and to arouse enthusism among the people - that person is headed for higher earning power. According to John D. Rokefeller, "The ability to deal with people is as purchasable as a commodity as suger or coffee. And, I will pay more for that ability than for any other under the SUN"
Dr. John G. hibben, former president of Princeton University said, "education is the ability to meet life's situation". Moreover, according to Herber Pencer, "the great aim of education is not knowledge but action"
Based on life experiences of many important persons, some of the principles, proved to be effective in personality development and development of your ability to do good work are given below:
PRINCIPLE I : "IF YOU WANT TO GATHER HONEY DON'T KICK OVER THE BEEHIVE"
99% people don't criticise themselves for anything, no matter how wrong they may be. Criticism is futile because it puts a person on defensive mode and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous because it wounds a person's precious pride, hurts his sense of importance and arouses resentment. The world famous psychologist B.F.Skinner proved through his experiments that an animal rewarded for good behaviour will learn much more rapidly and retain what it learns for more effectively than an animal punished for bad behaviour. Later, studies have shown that the same applies to human. By criticising we do not make lasting changes and often incure resentment.
Hans Salye, another great psychologist said, "As much as we thirst for approval, we dread condemnation". The resentment that criticism engenders can demoralise employees, family members and friends, and still do not correct the situation that has been condemned. Instead of condemning people, we should try to understand them. Try to find out why they do? What they do? Thats a lot more profitable and intriguing than criticism, and it breeds sympathy, tolerance and kindness.
'To know all is to forgive all", Dr.John said, "God himself does not propose to judge a man until the end of his days, why should you and I"
PRINCIPLE II: "GIVE HONEST AND SINCERE APPRECIATION"
The desire for a feeling of importance is one of the chief distinguishing difference between mankind and the animals. If our ancestors hasn't had this flaming urge for a feeling of importance, civilisation would not have been possible. Without it, we should have been just like animals. It was this desire for a feeling of importance that makes you want to wear the latest style, drive latest cars, and talk about your brilliant children.
"The greatest asset one posses, and the way to develop the best in a person is by appreciation and encouragement"
"There is nothing else that so kills the ambitions of a person as criticisms from superiors. I never criticise anyone. I believe in giving a person incentive to work and so I am anxious to praise but loath to find fault"
Somehow, we neglect to praise our son or daughter when he or she brings home good report card, and we fail to encourage our children when they first succeed in baking a cake or building a birdhouse. Nothing pleases a person more than this kind of parental interest and approval.
What applies to a profession, applies doubly to workers in offices, shops, factories, our families and friends. In our inter-personal relations we should never forget that all our associates are human beings and all hunger for appreciation. "He who can do this has the whole world with him"
PRINCIPLE III: "AROUSE IN OTHER PERSONS AN EAGER WANT"
Don't talk about what you want? That is childish. Ofcourse you are interested in what you want but rest are like you- interested in themselves. The only way on the earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
"If there is one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person's point of view and see things from that person's angle as well as from your own", said Henery Ford.
PRINCIPLE IV: BECOME GENUINELY INTERESTED IN OTHER PEOPLE
√ If you wany others to like you, if you want to develop real friendship, if you want to help others at the same times as you help yourself, become genuinely interested in other people.
√ You can make more friends in two month by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you. People are not interested in you. They are not interested in me. They are interested in themselves-morning, noon and after dinner.
√ It has been discovered from personal experiences that one can win the situation and time and cooperation of even the most sought-after people by becoming genuinely interested in them.
√ Acion speaks louder than word
PRINCIPLE V: "BECOME GOOD CONVERSATIONIST"
√ People who talk about themselves and think only about themselves are helplessly uneducated. They are not educated, no matter how instructed they may be- said Dr.Nicholas Murray.
√ If you aspire to be good conversationist, be an attentive listener. To be interested, be interested. Ask questions that other persons will enjoy answering.
√ Talk in terms of other person's interest.
PRINCIPLE VI: "MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU INSTANTLY"
√ The life of many a person could probably be changed if only some one would make him feel important.
√ Almost all people you meet feel themselves superior to you in some way, and a sure way to let them realise in subtle way that you realise their importance, and recognise it sincerely.
√ Every man you meet is your superior in some way. Try to learn him.
PRINCIPLE VII: "DON'T TRY TO WIN ARGUMENT"
You can't win an argument. You can't, because if you loose, you loose it, and if you win it, you loose it. Why? Well, suppose you triumph over the other man and shoot his argument full of holes and prove that he is non-compositments. Then what? You will feel fine. But what about him? You have made him feel inferior. You hurt his pride. He will resent your triumph. Budha said, "Hatred is never ended by hatred but by love", and misunderstanding is never ended by an argument but by tact, discipline, concilation, and a sympathetic desire to see the other persons viewpoint.
√ The only way to get the best out of an argument is to avoid it
PRINCIPLE VIII: "WELCOME THE DISAGREEMENT"
√ Distress your first instinctive impression. Our first natural reaction in a disagreable situation is to be defensive. be bareful. Keep calm and watch out for your first reaction. It may be at your worst, not your best.
√ Control your temper. Remember that you can measure the size of a person by what makes him or her angry.
√ Listen first. Give your opponent chance to talk. Let him finish. Do not resist, defend or debate. This only raises barriers. Try to build bridges of understanding. Don't build higher barriers of misunderstanding.
√ Look for areas of AGREEMENT. When you have heard your opponents, first speak about the points and areas on which you agree.
